"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
