Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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