This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
