you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
