peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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