I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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