we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
