4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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