It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
