Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
