I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
