we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
