I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
