she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
