i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
