The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
