maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
