can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
