are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
