just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
