I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
