my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How external is "for external use only"?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
