***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
