i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
