he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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