I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
