I need help removing her.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize