If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
