He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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