I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
