i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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