Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
