Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize