I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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