This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
