At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
