I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need a hoe opinion
go on
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize