I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
