My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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