Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize