and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
