when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
