Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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