oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize