So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
