i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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