So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
vagina is talking i cant
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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