im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
