There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
