Do you still have your period?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
