We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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