There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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