i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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