piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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