meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
