I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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