Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize