Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
