You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
