ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize