I'm drive I can fine osifer
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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