We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
