I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
