Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
