So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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