She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize