i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
