I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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