After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
