i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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