apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
