Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
