first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
