So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
bring money and cleavage
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
