I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
