I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
