I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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