I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
