Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
