well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
