I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
