So drunk its hurt
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
