It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
