He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
