I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize