Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
