the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
