I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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