the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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