Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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