Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
