Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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