Reggie can tackle my bush.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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