You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
