take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
