How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
