Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
