My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
