Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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