Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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